His wife had a debilitating disease that would progress over years. He loved her. He hated to see her in pain. Not just the physical pain but the mental and emotional pain as well. When she would ask him about what the future held…what comes next…how bad will it be, he never once gave her an honest answer.
There are so many things that someone who loves you might feel that she should protect you from. Money problems. People saying nasty things about you. The list is endless, but the results are similar. However, most people resent it…at least after a while. When my friend — the medical guy — finally realized the downside to protective lying, he started telling his wife the truth. He thought he was protecting her by his lies.
Instead, he really was protecting his own emotions. Tell me the truth. I could give thousands of examples here of how people lie to get out of trouble. The underlying principle is this: They know that there is an expected standard of conduct — things that are right and things that are wrong — but they have violated that standard. If your wife is this kind of liar, rather than taking the blame and facing you, she hides it, fabricates lies if caught, and covers that lie with more lies if the first one falls apart.
For example, it might be she spent a little too much. Got a ticket. I am hearing 2 versions of the story and he is forbidding me to contact her.
Everyone covers for my husband bc he makes everyone laugh but the Demons I live with and the things I see give me no peace. I long for peace and a husband who can contribute to my marriage financially. I am holding it strong paying all the bills for what? To keep being put in embarrassing situations?? I feel alone, confused, and tired of living a lie. Smiling when I am dying inside.. He wallows in woh is me and suffers from depression anxiety and infirmity.
What to do next … should I stand and believe for my man of God? This is abuse. Been married 41 years. Early on I was 20 immature. He physically abused meStayedbout all night and said he was home, I was there. Always screwing w my head. Looked great became great cook we had good times yet he was cold lied made me feel awful. My health has suffered too My head wants him to suffer and my heart loves him my head wants him gone my heart not.
I pray God continuously gives me strength everyday even when I have days that my faith is fractured, again. I understand your pain and have stayed in a toxic relationship for 6 years trying to get this man to love me as much as I love him, and the fear of being alone and not finding someone to love and would love me back. These choices are hard, and I keep praying that God will help guide and change him.
I just want someone to love me for me, good and bad. I can understand what you are talking about. I feel why cannot I find someone who loves me and I can trust. I want to live the most full and happy life and this man I am with is so untrustworthy and betrays me. Hang in there! I found after 23yrs that my wife lied about her sexual history and several other major things such as finances and our business. My wife told me about her past but many things hidden.
After finding out she had lied various times to me we saw two different marriage counselors, my wife lied to the first one and after several sessions of being called out on her lies quit going. She is already distancing us from the second one. Who knew when searching for help there would be others, many others like me in a toxic marriage like mine.
My husband has been lying to me since before our marriage but I found out after we were married just how much a compulsive liar he really is. He told me he graduated HS. And I would always forgive him. Find out he lied about how much money was on the card or maybe his check was short or whatever the case may be.
These examples were very earlier on in our marriage. Now he just lies about stupid stuff like going to the dentist. I get a call from our dentist recently asking if my husband would be making up his appointments?
I say what are you talking about, he made his appointments. They said no Mrs….. They are lying. Ok lets call them on 3 way. We get them on the phone, he talks and says he was there. She pulls the file, no Mr……. I had heard enough. I thanked her and hung up. But it was necessary. For 3 months this dude was acting like he was going to work. And I always refute this by saying dude you were lying to me when we were dating, way before we got married.
This was before me. Bring out the violins. The dentist debacle just happened, and it takes the cake. I want him gone!!! I have never caught him cheating or suspecting anything like that. I saved our home. I clean up the finances, I keep stability around our children even though I want to break down, I act like Mary Poppins, like all is well.
The odds were against us already. Everyone thinks we have the perfect marriage. He cooks, cleans, for the most part loving. No affairs, gainfully employed, Good mom. He is a good person, just not to me. I feel like I deserve so much better. But I have no one else to talk to about this. Thanks for listening and any advice please share. So many heartbreaking stories.
But how do you deal with the lies. So quick to lie, so easily adjusting the facts to fit her story. And there is no coming clean, she would never volunteer information, only wants to know what you know or what you heard.
These seem to be a skin of truth, filled with a big fat lie. Hi sad dad, I am asking the same question…. I have flat out told my husband that being honest is the most important thing in our relationship.
I have read about narcissistic behavior and feel this is part of his inability to tell the truth. I feel like I am going nuts a lot of the time.
He lies about the dumbest things. He exaggerates to make things appear better than they are. He is more affectionate and admits it when others are around to make him look better. He has the ability to be incredibly charming and loving. I am at my wits end. He went to the extend to hide a receipt from a lunch they had together. It was pitiful. I am a fact based person. He agreed to tell the truth. Yesterday, his phone went off while he was driving and he asked me to look and read message.
It was from her. I felt like something was up, and checked his phone log. He deletes all questionable texts and phone logs on his phone but, it is on the phone bill log… I saw he had contacted her and vice versa several times.
I am not really upset about their texting as much as I am livid about him lying about it. I said to him why is it more important to communicate with this person and lie about it than to tell me? I finally got fed up and stated even if she is not fishing for an affair, he is engaging.
He needs to have his ego fed. I asked him why it was so important to him to continue to contact this girl, his answer was because I like her. I told him from the beginning that even if he were to have an affair, spend all of our money, or, do something really stupid, I would have the ability to forgive him if only he was honest about it.
My husband and I have very different points of view on what is important in life, as a result of different upbringings. He has often been caught out buying scratchcards and lottery tickets, despite me making my feelings known about how harmful this is to our marriage, so he does it behind my back, yet I am smarter than he thinks and often catch him out.
Can anyone offer advice? A Godly perspective is to respond as Christ would and the first action of Jesus is always forgiveness. How many on this thread have read 1 Corinthians 13 and live every step of it? How many on this thread have read about Christ and his relationship with his disciples?
How many have suffered as Christ has suffered and extended love, grace and forgiveness as Christ has to each one of us? Who on this thread has lied to the Lord, stole from Him in tithes and offerings, cheated on Christ, lusted for things above God, betrayed and manipulated your own self in Light of Christ? I speak from experience that the very first thing to do is not confront, it is to drop to your knees and ask for direction and wisdom.
Before any relationship can be healed, every person on this thread must first ask the Lord to break and humble themself. There is no going forward until we realize that our own heart is deceitful above all things. It will deceive us into being judges and justifying our behavior rather than encouraging us to be Christ-like. The first step in healing, restoration, a change in our husband, is to first let God shed his light in our own heart and change us.
Sin is sin. There are no exceptions. Lying is not worse than gossiping. They each have different effects, and there are different results from sowing and reaping but how you deal with your situation is more important then the actual situation. If your spouse is lying to you, God already knows that and He is not surprised by it. It is our job, as wives, to seek the Lord, to follow hard after Him, to trust in Him with all of our heart and not lean on our own understanding, and to be our best example of Christ to our spouse.
The level of maturity falls to us, if we recognize this weakness in our spouse. If a spouse is not walking with the Lord, it is going to be very hard for them to behave as if they are. Therefore, it should be expected that our spouses are going to sin if they are not in right relationship with Christ. At that point, there is no blanket response or action for what is going on in each of our marriages. Each situation is different. Each woman has a different level of commitment.
Each woman has a different level of maturity in Christ. God needs us to come to him and ask Him what we should do. Allow the Holy Spirit to comfort your broken heart. Allow the Holy Spirit to give you revelation and insight.
Pray the Holy Spirit to move on behalf of your husband and speak life over your spouse and marriage through the scriptures. Find scriptures of promise and pray them over your spouse.
Insert his name, insert your name, and speak life into your relationship. Remember that God loves your husband no matter what state he is in. It is His will that none perish and it is His will that your husband come into right relationship with Him and be changed. God wants that way more than you do. The state that each person has expressed about their husband on this thread clearly says that your man is deceived.
If he is deceived, then he is bound in chains and fetters from the enemy. Until you are sinless, take care not to be too rash and harsh with your fruit inspections. Yes, it is wrong to lie, be in porn, have an affair, steal, withhold affection…the list goes on, but it is also sin to disrespect our spouse and tear hom down on Intenet threads regardless of how he has disrespected us.
I have lived a life to hell and back, and yet, I have joy and peace. My focus is on God and I watch him work miracles in my relationship with my husband every time I seek Him first, instead of trying to change my spouse.
That perspective changes everything. I am no longer the responsible one for my husband, God is, and He will do a much better job than I, dealing with him. He carries me and in His arms no harm can come to me. I had come to realize that even after the lies I was still giving what I so badly needed and wanted from the man I married and loved honesty , and respect it got worse from here on out he would take others word over mine things he would hear from others he would believe and then treat me like a peice of crap instead of coming and asking me if what he heard was true or not???
That was something I had stressed to him from the very beginning and that there was nothing that he could not tell me or ask me for I will not make you feel ashamed or judged but it did not matter what I said he made me feel very much like an outsider and the enemie I could not understand why or what was going on our arguments were more and more and getting worse.
You should never put your children in the middle of ur issues. Most often I have retaliated and felt even worse as I have permitted myself to say the most awful things to my husband. It never once made me feel better. Instead when I have taken the situation and surrendered it to the lord I have returned stronger.
My husband too refuses to enter into counseling although we have the same problem since 30 years and I feel its not only destroyed me but its destroyed him too. Yet his ego wont allow him to admit the same. My greatest fear is how our lives will impact the future relationships of my 3 sons with their respective partners.
He has to make good His promises to me and I have to continue to trust His love for me and for my family. May God be with all of us in our moments of despair and may we all be given the gift of grace that we may be ever forgiving. One day things will turn around and we will be truly happy in our marriages ,. Wow, a lot of this rings true with me. So, a back story. My husband and I have been married for about 10 years, together for Well, that all came crashing down on us with the crash of the market back in i believe.
He was working as a financial advisor and due to the stress and loss of money, he began drinking ended up getting fired because he was drinking on the job. Ever since, our life has taken many drastic turns. The lies started of course with drinking. He cashed out my K years ago without my knowledge and when I confronted him, he said he had to because he needed the money to pay bills.
This last October when we were supposedly supposed to be filing our taxes late with the extension , we never received a bill. I kept asking him to check with the CPA and figure things out. Well, after months of asking and no resolution from him, I called the CPA myself.
Sure enough, the taxes had not been filed. When I confronted him, he acted baffled. Almost angry at the CPA for screwing up. We turned our house upside down and still nothing. Amazingly the youtube tutorial worked, the safe was open and I got my SS card but my Moms ring was nowhere to be found.
I immediately accused him of lying about the keys being missing and never even putting my ring in the safe. My first instinct is he pawned it. Feeling so hopeless and scared. So what do you do? My husband of 4 years with for 7 continues to lie about everything! I am the lier here. We been separated for 3 years but we text or talk at times. I started hanging out with friends and meet a guy friend. Looks bad I know but nothing more happened. I love my husband I want him back and I wish we could work it out.
I am hoping that I can get some insight from people. We met and it was an instant connection. Three weeks later I found out that he lived in a different town father away from me we always hung out at my place. Once again I believed he was done lying and was so in love and stupid. I asked him point blank if he had anything else to tell me and he said no. I confronted him at his house and he was so distraught telling me things would be different. I fell back into his spell.
Though I dont think I ever truly trusted him. A few months later I discovered that he looked at p rn and live webcams. I drew and line and said no webcams even though all of it made me uncomfortable.
A few months later I found pictures of women naked on his computer and found that he had sent pictures too. I was furious and was ready to walk. He convinced me I could change. As you can see I have some serious faults at believeing ppl. We got engaged and I continued to find the lies.
On our wedding night he lied to me and got so mad at me for questioning me that I let it go thinking I was wrong. Almost a year later I found out I was right.
He had lied to me for over a year. He was still talking with other women, viewing them online etc. He is a p rn addict and look at times a week. We have two small children, and last year he got fired. He lied to me for over a week after getting fired, pretending to go to work and then coming home once I left.
Still doing filthy things online all the while I begged for a better s xual relationship. The last straw was when I caught him on webcams and flirting with other women whom I have asked him repeatedly not to talk to. The content he views online is beyond normal. He constantly picks that over me. I do not know what to do. I do not think he will change. He is going to counseling only because I have set it up for him. He will not let me go with him and insists on going alone. Any advice would help.
I started seeing my own counselor this week. So frustrating. We married after only knowing each other for 28 days. Sounds crazy but we both felt madly in love. Now I know not the greatest dessision.
I was in a marriage for 17 years to my ex and had been divorced for two years and he made me feel like a queen. Right out of the gate I found out that lying was not a big deal to him.
He started lying about things when he learned that I felt certain things were not exceptable to me. He owns a business that has a tiki bar. Bartenders, ladies and female employees will send him pictures of themselves being a little crazy. He has a fascination with girls, I learned it really quick.
He likes to surround himself with attractive fun girls to the point to which I feel disrespected. It goes on and on, stupid stuff. I started confronting him right away, and he would deny things and lie to me right to my face, so I stopped confronting until 6 months ago.
I blew my lid. Trust is gone. Any advice. I was having a boyfriend. Well, Thank goodness I have finally found a place to verbalized my pain, fear and frustration. Like most of you ladies I suspect my husband of 16 yrs.
Anyone ever heard of the Gas Lantern story? No safe warm security at my house!!! Was I so blind, or did he just suddenly change all his ways? Life has turned into a cruel Joke. It is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse, that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power.
I surfed online one faithful Wednesday after work,trying to get more ideas on how to fix marriages. Then i found different posts from women and men with same marital issues and i took the bold step to make contact with this great spiritualist,Who requested for my name and other marital information.
Immediately after 2hours he wrote me that all would be fine,If i believe and have faith that true love never dies…. I strongly believe and knew my problem was over cause i never gave up on my family…. He request that i only make provision for the items needed to perform a binding and return prayers which i did. He gave me a guarantee that after the prayers is completed i will see changes in my marriage with will only take 24hrs to see effect and that my husband will come open to me to where he has wronged and will seek for my forgiveness…He also told me before the ritual that my husband was under the spell of that woman and not all woman are happy seeing married couples united,Lot of females out there are just to separate the love and union built for years…….
I went away to study and he told me he went out and got our seven year old to lie for him and upon phone conversations he hang up never answered the phone I stayed up all night just thinking and calling and he never answered the only option left for me to do was move out. My wife has lied about money for years, she has a gambling addiction and refuses to admit it. She steals from relatives to support her habit and each time she is found out she blames everyone but herself.
She has emptied our bank accounts and literally put me out of a job and in the poor house. Now on disability I have no choice but to leave this mess. Only wish I had done it a decade ago before my family was destroyed. I felt loyalty to her that was my mistake.
I need advise. I know that had I known this I would not even have dated him let alone marry him. This article hits home! I have been very happily married for over 30 years and my husband has lied to me about the most insignificant things over the last two years. He just started changing, seemed like over night, and I was worried so I went to google and got the idea that he must be cheating. Well, that got stuck in my head and I accused him of cheating. Our lives have changed for over two years now.
He said and promised that he never did and never would cheat, but my gut is saying something is just not quite right. About months of hell, he started with little white lies that makes no sense at all.
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Table of Contents View All. Table of Contents. Common Reasons for Lying. Signs of Lying. Impact of Lying. How to Respond to Lying. Frequently Asked Questions. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Change Your Behavior Have you also considered whether your reactions to his words or actions have encouraged him to lie to you? Besides, if I'm going to be in trouble anyway, at least now there will be a reason. Changing your behavior may even solve the problem.
On the other hand, if a spouse always does as he pleases, he may act in ways that are inappropriate and hurtful, including lying. In that case, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. As a spouse begins to trust again that she won't be lied to, her behavior will likely soften toward her spouse, though if an affair is the cause it may take a long time for this healing to happen.
Changing any kind of behavior — including feeling suspicious of a spouse — takes time. And his changes in behavior will also take time. So give each other some room, talk about things more often and more honestly. In most cases, a relationship will begin to improve over time, though in some cases one or both partners may also conclude that the damage done by lying cannot be repaired.
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