Why do people flake

These people also tend to be the ones who go to yoga regularly and only drink on the weekends and generally know their own limits. Flaky people are not those people. I am not self-aware enough to realize that I'm not going to follow through with the plans. I assume that the day the plans roll around, I will suddenly morph from a bedridden, anti-social sea creature to a free-wheeling, energetic Mary Tyler Moore type, eager to put on jeans and leave my house and go see other human beings like your average year-old.

But I always think I will!! I'm not flaky when it really matters. Yes, the lure of staying in and Googling "Liv Tyler exfoliation routine" when it's 10 degrees out and my cat is on my lap is strong. But if you really need me, I'm like the postal service: Neither wind, nor snow, nor rain, etc. If someone's flaking on you a lot — as much as it sucks — it might be intentional.

There's no good way to break up with a friend. The closest thing for those of us too uncomfortable to have a real talk with the friend, anyway is to purposely distance yourself from someone in a non-obvious, non-hurtful way by breaking plans a few times in a row.

Is it immature? But have you ever sat down with someone and told them "I've considered our friendship in the broader context of my life and decided you're not worth staying close to? If I flake on you four or more times in a row, you should read that as a cue that we're not the same page friend-wise.

But it also might have nothing to do with you. I would say that about 30 percent of the time, repeated flaking more than four times in a row is due to the previous reason. For instance, I flake on my sisters a lot, and there's nobody I love in the world more than my sisters.

It's self-handicapping behavior. But flaky behavior doesn't just hurt the flakes. It often indicates that they don't respect your time -- or even that they secretly feel their time is more important than yours. Ignoring constant flakiness can do a friendship more harm than good in the long run when someone's not dependable, it's hard to trust them.

But before you confront a flaky friend, it's important to figure out whether he or she is an unwitting flake, or whether something darker is going on. But when they're only sometimes late to make you wait for them, and only when the situation doesn't directly benefit them That's being manipulative and aggressive.

It's not all bad news, though: Flaky friends, like good wine, often improve with time, Berglas says. Age teaches them that if they don't change their flaky ways, bad things will happen e. The key is for the flake to realize they need to invest in their community and family by being conscientious and keeping to their commitments.

After you have this conversation with them, they have the option of changing or not. Go Back. Share via. Copy Link. Powered by Social Snap.

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