Why couples grow apart

Successful, happy couples often say that they feel their partner is their best friend , is in their corner , and is someone they know they can rely on , no matter what. In fact, your partner may be the source of your pain and frustration rather than a pillar of consistent love and support in your life. You used to talk openly and intimately to each other. There was a time that you could confide in your partner about your innermost feelings. You used to have fun together and had a lot of interests in common.

Why did this happen? What made it all go so astray? You grew apart because of a fundamental relationship skill that is missing in your marriage.

This relationship skill is one of the 5 skills that all happy couples nurture , and almost all unhappy couples neglect.

It means being available to your partner on a consistent basis. Maybe you like to read and your partner likes to watch TV, or you like to play with your kids and your partner likes to catch up on work emails, so you spend time in separate rooms in the house a lot.

For sure, it's a scary prospect, but it's one that we're better off embracing. The real question here is whether or not you and your partner are determined to make the marriage function anyway — and there's no right answer.

I know I'm going to change. We're going to take this gamble. We're going to make this promise that says, regardless of all those sorts of changes and even when all those sorts of changes might lead us in a different direction, we are going to work super hard to try to make sure this marriage works.

For you. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. Click here to learn more. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. You prefer spending more time apart than together.

Whenever you receive a text message or phone call from them, you feel like they are disturbing you. You feel angry and sometimes want to throw the phone away.

On some occasions, you even muster the courage to ignore their phone calls. And when they ask why, you lie about it. Spending quality time doing an activity with your spouse was one of the things that helped you both get to know each other and to connect on a deeper level. So much so, you decided to get married. The moment you stop doing things together, that connection begins to fade away, which will make you miss those activities. Another example is if you used to.

The short answer is yes. However, growing apart from your spouse is NOT a good thing for your marriage. As humans, we are naturally going to get pulled in different directions as we move through life. We are always growing and changing. Our interests, priorities, and opinions also change over time. Your spouse will not be the same person you married, they will evolve through their life, as you should. You simply have to be intentional about choosing, learning, and discovering new things about your spouse.

Every relationship goes through this phase. You stat feeling indifferent towards your partner. This happens in friendship and relationships. I dont agree with some of the things in this article. That couples who grow apart 'choose' to grow apart. I have grown apart from my spouse because he is the most selfish, irresponsible, cruel and moody person I have ever met.

I am leaving him. His selfishness is not my responsibility. That I do the baby every single night of the year alone and he sleeps, is not my fault or choice. He refuses. I have two choices: put up with this or leave. Sometimes moving apart is the right thing to do. I grew apart to save myself from his crazymaking ways. Now I am ready to leave. Sometimes plants end up growing in the wrong soil and if they are not moved, they die.

Separating can be the best thing for some people, and there should be no regret on this decision. Only regret is the time wasted in trying to fix something that would never be fixed. Not all people are right for each other and to advise they not grow apart will not always be the right advice for everyone. One partner has ADD the other tired of dealing with it for over 40 years.

How does a person cope with a spouse that is irresponsible, negligent, unmotivated etc. Opens kitchen and bathroom cabinets and never closes them, same with lights in house when we are trying to save money on electric bills. I have grown angry and bitter. What strategies can I try? Talking and crying only work for for a day or then back to same old same old.

Can't afford counseling and we've done that in the past. I feel like I am drowning. Rain , March 12, PM. Leaving lights and cupboards open is really not a good reason for a divorce. If you want to save money turn off the lights your-self.

There has to be more to the story than that. MMan , January 24, AM. Leaving lights on and cupboards open seems like a small thing.

But those are just examples. Year after year, it gets absolutely exhausting and infuriating to have cupboards open, dirty dishes left all over, clothes thrown on the floor, The simple act of going to the kitchen means picking up stuff and cleaning left and right. A second activity becomes a 10 minute chore. Every time, 20 times a day, every day. I do understand the complaint and I can understand how it can ruin a marriage.

From the first weeks of our marriage he said, "You are a mature, educated, adult human being, and no one is responsible for you, but you.